I didnt fall off the wagon, I jumped!

I have not written in a few days…anyone want to guess why? I screwed up… a lot. Last Friday I had done the Jillian Michaels extreme shed and shred and it kicked my ass. I made sure I still went to the gym on Saturday and did my full hour of cardio. I kept promising my family if I met my goal on Sunday of losing two or even one pound I would make my famous buffalo chicken dip. Well I didn’t lose anything. I weighed the same as I did last Sunday. I don’t know what happen but I went on a three day bender.  I still made the buffalo chicken dip, I had Chinese food for dinner Sunday night, and finished off the Christmas cake cookies my dad had made earlier in the week.

Monday I felt a cold coming on and nothing healthy seemed appetizing to me. I still counted all my food for the day but during work I went to the grocery store and bought string cheese and wheat thins.  String cheese was a huge binge item for me when I lived in Arizona. I am talkin’ I would eat  half a bag of it in one sitting. Well looks like I still cannot control myself because when I got back to work I slowly but surely ate half the bag of string cheese.

Last night was even worse. I still felt sick from a cold and I had to work 7am-8pm. I still packed and counted all my food for the day ahead of time. Well when I got to my second job I discovered a pork pie someone had brought in and the rest of my string cheese still in the fridge. Needless to say last night I went off the wall binge eating. Around 9pm I found myself standing in the kitchen eating left over buffalo chicken dip with the cabinet open looking for more food while I ate the dip. L It brought me down. I felt so low and disgusting.

BUT Today is a new day. I weighed in this morning and the scale shows a two pound gain from the last three days of trash I have put in my body. I got up early and did a work out video. It was hard and I know it is because my body is full of garbage. I got through it and prepared and counted all my food for the day. I seem to have these splurges here and there that totally screw with my head but I always come back up stronger, so I am not going to dwell on it. I do not see me meeting my Christmas morning goal of weighing in at 254 but the closer I can be to that number the happier I will be. Unless it is 255 then I will just be pissed! LoL.

I did this to myself and I will suffer the consequences but I know now I am no match for string cheese, and when I am feeling sick I need to suck it up!

Anywho I hope everyone else is doing well. I feel guilty and ashamed for writing this post, like I let everyone down, although it is really only myself I let down. I think the guilt I feel/felt is worse than the stomach aches I caused myself. But I also think it is important to be honest here so people going through the same things I am know that they are not alone. Everyone makes mistakes. There will be bad days and there will be great days but as long as I don’t give up, that is what is most important.

Holey Hard

Last night I slipped up a little and went over my calories because my father decided to try an “experiment”.

He saw a thing on T.V for these Christmas cake cookie things and o ma ghaa they are freaking delicious.

Christmas Cake Cookie

Anywho I had two of them and went over on my calories last night so I decided I would be sure to work it off this morning.

I purchased Jillian Michaels “Extreme Shed and Shred” over the summer, but up until this point I have only completed Level 1. The DVD has level 1, level 2, and she strongly suggests you do level one and level two one right after the other to make the work out last a full hour.

 

Holey hard. That bitch is INSANE. Half way through level two I was so tired but I did the best I could to finish. I ended up burning 510 calories and thought I was going to be pushed to work in a wheel chair today.

Like I always say I have a love hate relationship with Jillian as I am sure most people do, but today was pure hate. Although I do look forward to trying that full one hour again someday….someday. I will probably use that as “punishment” if I screw up again in the future.

I plan on hitting the gym hard after work again tomorrow and Sunday is my weigh in. I did not plan for my time of the month to make it’s appearance around Christmas time and I am nervous it will screw up my Christmas morning weigh in. I just realized it should be here any day now because I can feel my body acting weird like it usually does.  I need to be extra careful and not give into what my body will be craving. (Generally on the first day or two of my time of the month I indulge just a little in certain things.)

Well I hope everyone has a great weekend. I plan on watching polar express and cuddling by the Christmas tree.   J 

Things I have noticed...

Since I have lost weight I have noticed a few things I think differently about and a few things I do differently due to how I now think. I thought I would share some of those things because I want to make sure I am not the only one, or allow a fellow blogger to realize they are not the only one’s who may do some of these things.

 At the gym…

I use to choose the machines way in the back corners where no one would see me because I was embarrassed.

Now I do not care what machine I use and I am proud to be getting fit. I know now it is because I have used those machines that I am able to lose weight.

I use to make sure I wore black shirts to the gym because I was embarrassed when my sweat would be visible.

Now I am dam proud of that sweat and I wear all color shirts to work out in.

I use to not stretch at the gym because I was embarrassed to be bending over or of what people would think of me.

Now I love to stretch and I don’t give a shit what I look like.

I use to not run where people would see me.

Now I don’t care because I know I am getting healthy and doing what I need to do for ME.

In public…

I use to dress in cloths that did not attract attention. Baggy sweatshits, hair thrown up, no make up.

Now I take time to do my hair, I wear cloths that fit properly and I enjoy showing off my hard work. I like to try new styles and I am so much more confident.

If I were offered to sit in a chair that did not look like it would hold me I would refuse and say “I rather stand, I have been sitting all day.”

Now if I want to sit, I plop my fat ass right on down.

I use to not eat at big gatherings because I always felt I would be judged for what I was eating in public.

Now I know I have planned and earned my food consumption for the day and I realize no one really gives a shit what everyone else is eating.  

So basically in a nut shell, I have gained more self-confidence. I realize not everyone who looks in my direction is judging me. I project more confidence and in turn am able to see more positively because of it.
 

 

 

I was able to complete 65 minutes of cardio at the gym this morning and was thinking of all these things…just wanted to share. Happy Thursday everyone!

Sunday’s weigh in was 258 a loss of 2lbs. Only 4 more pounds to meet my Christmas goal! I am so happy. I ended up working 53hrs last week but I managed to stay completely on track with my food and I got in my three work outs.

I was nervous about working so much and having it effect my weight loss, and although it screws up my exercise time it forces me to do excellent with food. I just pack all my meals and snacks for the day, and when I get home from work it is late enough to go right to bed. This week is going to be crazy again with work but the week before Christmas will allow plenty of exercise time, which is awesome because I don’t know if I can lose 2lbs next week  AND the following week.

I am so proud of myself for sticking to the mini goal I set and I am realizing it was a great idea. I think if I can take things in small goals I will be able to meet my ultimate goal of weighing 200lbs by July 2013.

I got a few pictures back from the wedding I went to in Florida last month and when I saw them I did not even recognize myself. I can not believe how thin my face looks. Such an amazing transformation. J

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Any who I hope everyone is having a great Monday!! Till next time.

25_

Its not my official weigh in day but I peeked at the scale this morning and I saw 259! 259 I said 259!!!

I will be sure to report my official weigh in on Monday but I felt the need to share my amazing news!

Spoiler Alert

So I hate when I find out about a new food that is not good for me. I wish I still lived my life unaware of the delicious treats that surround me. I normally would not share the new candy I discovered but I have decided that if I can hold off until Christmas day then I will allow myself to indulge in this treat once I have met my Christmas goal. The new treat (new to me) is the peppermint heresy kisses. Who the heck comes up with this shit!? Not cool man, not cool.

Anywho, I didn’t have to work until 2pm today and I accomplished so much before work including a 45 minute workout at the gym. I was then able to prepare and count all my food for the day. Since my Sunday weigh in was my lowest recorded weight MFP cut my calorie intake.  My WW points however will not be cut down until I lost another ten pounds so this will be interesting.

I don’t have much to report today besides that I am feeling good, working hard and aiming for this week’s weigh in to show progress. Have a good day. .

Cheering for my team on Sunday.

 

Red Velvet Cake

I did not see the 25_ I was hoping to see on the scale yesterday. I did loose weight and I have recorded my lowest weight to date but I was sooo hoping for that 25_.

Saturday I stayed on point with food and I got in an amazing workout at the gym, completing 45 minutes on the crazy machine and 15 minutes on the bike. I had one small portion at dinner and I even passed on a red velvet cake roll at desert. I SAID A RED VELVET CAKE ROLL. Who makes these things?! I freaking love red velvet.

 

Anyways I was a little bummed at my weigh in because I worked so hard this past week but I have no doubt that if I work just as hard this week I will see the 25_. No doubt about it folks.

Today is Monday, and you know Mondays suck so that’s all I am writing for today. Till next time folks!