I have not written in a few days…anyone want to guess why? I
screwed up… a lot. Last Friday I had done the Jillian Michaels extreme shed and
shred and it kicked my ass. I made sure I still went to the gym on Saturday and
did my full hour of cardio. I kept promising my family if I met my goal on
Sunday of losing two or even one pound I would make my famous buffalo chicken
dip. Well I didn’t lose anything. I weighed the same as I did last Sunday. I don’t
know what happen but I went on a three day bender. I still made the buffalo chicken dip, I had Chinese
food for dinner Sunday night, and finished off the Christmas cake cookies my
dad had made earlier in the week.
Monday I felt a cold coming on and nothing healthy seemed appetizing
to me. I still counted all my food for the day but during work I went to the grocery
store and bought string cheese and wheat thins.
String cheese was a huge binge item for me when I lived in Arizona. I am
talkin’ I would eat half a bag of it in
one sitting. Well looks like I still cannot control myself because when I got
back to work I slowly but surely ate half the bag of string cheese.
Last night was even worse. I still felt sick from a cold and
I had to work 7am-8pm. I still packed and counted all my food for the day ahead
of time. Well when I got to my second job I discovered a pork pie someone had
brought in and the rest of my string cheese still in the fridge. Needless to
say last night I went off the wall binge eating. Around 9pm I found myself
standing in the kitchen eating left over buffalo chicken dip with the cabinet open
looking for more food while I ate the dip. L
It brought me down. I felt so low and disgusting.
BUT Today is a new day. I weighed in this morning and the
scale shows a two pound gain from the last three days of trash I have put in my
body. I got up early and did a work out video. It was hard and I know it is because
my body is full of garbage. I got through it and prepared and counted all my
food for the day. I seem to have these splurges here and there that totally
screw with my head but I always come back up stronger, so I am not going to
dwell on it. I do not see me meeting my Christmas morning goal of weighing in
at 254 but the closer I can be to that number the happier I will be. Unless it
is 255 then I will just be pissed! LoL.
I did this to myself and I will suffer the consequences but I
know now I am no match for string cheese, and when I am feeling sick I need to
suck it up!
Anywho I hope everyone else is doing well. I feel guilty and
ashamed for writing this post, like I let everyone down, although it is really
only myself I let down. I think the guilt I feel/felt is worse than the stomach
aches I caused myself. But I also think it is important to be honest here so
people going through the same things I am know that they are not alone.
Everyone makes mistakes. There will be bad days and there will be great days
but as long as I don’t give up, that is what is most important.
First.... Don't feel guilty, ashamed, or like you let anyone down. I think it's easy to feel that way after we go through a rough time. Be happy that it was only a few days and that you've got your positive attitude back!! Also, you've learned that you really can't keep string cheese around since it's a trigger, so a little good did come out of it! :)
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that despite feeling down, you wrote about it. It's good to be honest, and to share your struggles as well as the good. Anyone reading your blog should be proud of what you've accomplished so far and that you have the strength to get back on track after a rough few days! It's my personal opinion that if someone is rude to you, they should probably just not read your blog.
And isn't it funny how when you're not feeling well healthy stuff doesn't sound good? I went through that this week too. I guess that's why they call it comfort food!
It happens to the best of us! I completely understand not wanting to eat healthy when you are sick, I am the same way! I use being sick as an excuse to fill my body with crap when in reality if we would fill our bodies with wholesome, good foods we would probably feel better faster. Just dust yourself off and try again! :)
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year cutie!! I know what you mean but you will get back into it
ReplyDeleteLoving your blog girl
XO
Ash